Monday, June 8, 2015

The Comeback Kid


This is the first time I have written anything other than the three children’s book manuscripts I have been working on for the last few months.  And when I say “working,” I mean casually making edits here and there.  To be honest, when I first found out Scholastic was interested in my children's book which I had already self-published two years ago, I created three new picture book manuscripts within one week.  When I have my heart and head in the game, I am in it to win it.
Love Head and Heart

However, after not hearing back from my contact (she is the Senior rep in Scholastic’s Marketing Department), the fears of rejection slowly began to settle in.  Days turned into weeks... weeks turned into months... and here we are, in June, and still no word.  I even reached out to her husband who I had once been in contact with time and time again (he sold me my Acura which is how this all began) and even our email exchanges have ceased to exist.
I love volunteering to read and work with kids at low income schools but when I heard about the possibility of my contact helping forward my writing career, I volunteered at as many schools as I could, even working full time at my job.  I drove all over the inner cities of Northern N.J. to places no others would even dare to visit.  I didn't care.  I wanted to be there with the children and with United Way by my side, my references were as tight as jar of pickles.  My contact is a huge advocate for reading and education in low income schools and since I already volunteered last year and loved it, I figured I dedicate all of my free time in doing it again to further impress Scholastic. 
I am in the brown behind the left side of the poster=)
 

So not only did I feel rejected, but I felt my whole world come crumbling down.  I had to go to work after I had poured out the possibility of having a contract with one of my favorite and most admired publishing companies.  I had to face my boss day after day, knowing that I wouldn’t be writing from home for years to come and instead, I would be working for her for years to come.  I don’t hate my job but the idea of having to commute amongst the endless New Jersey traffic made me cringe, especially since I imagined myself typing effortlessly while staring out toward my beautiful view of trees, mountains and perpetual skies instead of banging my head against the steering wheel.  
 
Disappointment turned into sadness which turned into anger which eventually eroded into resentment and a full on case of depression as quickly as magma and ashes suffocated Pompeii.  I tried to deflect any pain and anger I felt into something more soulful but I couldn’t.  The colors of my mind which once painted my stories were dead to me.  I abandoned my blog and sadly, all of my bold and beautiful fellow authors, bloggers and dear friends here as well as the tremendous authors and friends I have made under my other alias.

The hardest part about all of this is having to confess these things to you.  Knowing that I copped out of all of the things I believed in made my fears of returning even more unbearable.  I became more afraid of blogging and preaching about things I no longer believed in.  It was the first time in my life I felt empty and didn’t want to write anymore.
 

And slowly, friends and family like my mother and the incredibly talented Chrys Fey and Sandra Cox, made me realize we all fail at least one, two, twenty, maybe even over 100 times when it comes to this business.  And it’s okay to take breaks but not to allow those breaks to interfere with our goals.  It’s people like them and you who I am eternally grateful for. 
At first, when Chrys told me she named one of her characters after me, I felt sad.  I felt like I didn't deserve such an honor because I caved into my fears for the last few months.  But after thinking more about it, I actually do feel quite honored.  After realizing I have been way too hard on myself, I had to move my sadness to a place where it could no longer affect my goals and imagination.  

I missed you all very much but I needed this for my sanity.  I started working out more, lifting lots of weights at the gym (I am up to curling 25 pounds on each arm) running harder, taking up some spinning classes, scrapbooking, spending time with my rescue kitties and watching lots of my all time favorite movies and classics.  By the way, Cheex and Luna are slowly coming around.  Luna was our first rescue kitty and then Felix surprised me with Cheex for Valentine's Day.  We love them both so much!
 

I’m ready to submerge myself back into my work again.  I’m also thinking about joining the IWSG, something Chrys suggested.  Especially now that I know how it feels to be rejected by the company I have loved and respected ever since I was a child.
Everyone has a special talent they use to paint the world with.  I use my writing to inspire children and hopefully, other authors and bloggers who pass by my blog.  Writing lives and breathes within us.  Our minds are constantly working on stories, even in our sleep.  I don't know who I would be if I wasn't a writer.  Probably a body builder, ha!
 
Don't give up and if you ever feel down, shoot me an email and I will do my best to pick you up like other amazing friends and authors have done for me.


Have you ever given up or taken breaks before?  If so, how did you feel about the time you were gone?  And if you haven't, what keeps you motivated?  How do you deal with rejection?





 

43 comments:

  1. I had a so-called "professional" writer critique my work in a not so helpful, positive way in April 2014. So for the last year to fourteen months, I have been in the same quagmire. Your article has already helped one poor soul. I too have been exploring other creative avenues trying to refill myself. Wow feeling empty was a good definition, that I did not realize. Thank you. I promise to try again too. :)

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  2. Wow, Crystal. I am touched my thoughts have helped you, too. Rejection and not so positive critiques can really stifle our publishing attempts.
    Just a thought... maybe you should have someone else take a look over your work? Maybe other eyes can help give you better feedback=)
    Yes, empty... that is how my heart felt. I didn't know what else to do other than put away my favorite pens for the last few months. Slowly, my heart has been filling back up with the power and love which started this journey years ago.

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  3. I am so happy that you're back!!!! We all missed you! I know it's hard to to deal with disappointment but the most important thing (and the best thing) we can do for ourselves is never give up.

    I'm thrilled that you're thinking about joining IWSG. It'll help you to at least post once a month and you'll meet scores of fabulous people. I found a home there and I know you will too. :)

    I didn't know that you felt sad when I told you I named a character after you. I didn't intend that at all. I named a character after you because you've been my biggest supporter and a lovely friend. So I wanted to thank you for that and the best way that I could think of (being a writer) was to name a character after you. <3

    I've taken breaks from writing because I was just too exhausted, but never because of rejection. It hurt like hell and would make me cry and sink into depression, but I continued to drag pen to paper. Writing is what gets me through.

    Love you!

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    1. Awe, I am totally happy now! It's been hard for me the last few months and I may have been a bit hard on myself, sadly. I can't wait to read your book and see my name!!!!:) Love you too!

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  4. 2014 was an awful year for me and in many ways I felt broken. This year I'm picking myself back up and moving forward again. Chrys is right. We all fail, countless times. But we have to get back up and keep trying. You'll do it, Gina. You've already experienced success in so many ways and you'll continue to do so. I have no doubt.

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  5. YAY! YOU'RE BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    We've all been there, Gina. I'm convinced there's nothing tougher on the psyche nor more depressing than being a writer. But that's only about 60% of the time. grin. The other 40% it's an amazing trip. I'm kidding, sorta.
    Welcome back, buddy. Hugs

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  6. I could never tell whether or not you had a bad year because you always seem so positive and have made so many accomplishments!! It has been people like you and several others here who have kept me going. I can't tell you how much you inspire me and you should be proud of that!
    I owe you a review, I didn't forget:) I already have your new release waiting for me in my Kindle!

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  7. I'm SO happy you're back, Gina! It made my day! But I'm so sorry to hear about this. (I actually had a very similar situation last year...kind of a long story but I was close to a deal and it just dragged on and on and we ended up hearing nothing in the end.. It was absolute torture!) I've def wanted to take long breaks and or/give up. I find I do better with some quick breaks every now and then. It helps me to refresh! All in all this biz can be brutal.

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    1. Awe, Beth! Like I've said before, you are one of the SWEETEST. Your comments and muses always make my day!
      It really is torture to put our whole heart on the line and then receive a big NOTHING in return. This has definitely tested my strength and hopefully, something good will eventually happen for me.
      You are proof that success can happen and again, congratulations on your contract!

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  8. Honey, you're not alone. We all have set backs, which I believe makes us stronger...eventually. You will always have your gift and your passion to create. Don't let someone take that away from you. Write strong.

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    1. Thank you, Brenda.. I really appreciate the thoughts and encouragement. One thing is for sure... I will do my best to always write with strength and passion!

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  9. I haven't followed your blog or followed you on Twitter but I am a struggling writer too. I've been in that place after being "this close" to getting an agent and wanting to give up. It's difficult to face rejection time after time and get back up but we have to! Write a new story and submit it to different publishers. I'm sorry it didn't work out for you at Scholastic but there are other publishers "out there." Hang in there.

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    1. Hi Kathleen! Welcome to my blog!
      Thank you so much for your words of encouragement. It probably didn't work out there because the Universe has a different path in store for my writing.
      I'm hanging in there=)

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  10. Dear Gina, I'm so glad you're back! I was previously worried that something had happened when I couldn't reach you. You don't have to feel bad about going missing when you need the space. I understand the need to be away. We've all had to deal with rejections of various kinds. I'm sorry you haven't heard from Scholastic for months. Like Chrys and Sandra told you, it's okay to take breaks but always get back on the horse. We are in a special position to bring some brightness to children. Always come back., my dear sun :)

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    1. Awe, you are so sweet Claudine! I felt terrible for retreating the last few months. It's not a good feeling, especially abandoning not only my author friends and readers but my hopes and dreams.
      The break was good for me in other ways. I am trying to build a more solid plan for my future but will always include my writing, no matter what!

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  11. I'm glad you're back and I think you'll be much stronger for the experience, which sadly, goes with this business. After I finished my novel (got contract & agent), I didn't write for a year and a half. I didn't know how my novel would be rec'd. What if everyone hated it? What if they thought the mc was a b***h or the pace was too slow? I was literally paralyzed with fear. I almost quit again after I fired my agent (don't get me started on that horrible story) and then found I couldn't self-pub on Amazon or Smashwords or even with any small publisher because they're unable to pay to where I live. I truly believed I'd just have to put anything I wrote on Wattpad for free. Forever. Then, thank goodness a CP lent me her Paypal acct so I could pub on Smashwords. Now I pubbed 2 short stories and am making as much on them as I have on my novel. ZERO. That's right, I haven't seen a dime since I started writing 6 years ago. But hope spring eternal. I won't quit if you won't!!

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    1. Wow, Lexa... I never realized you didn't make a dime for the last six years! Your stories are so good. I really hope something incredible happens for the both of us.
      Thankfully, I was able to self publish and my children's book has been well received, especially within the school districts. I have made some money but hardly enough to even make a dent in my bank account.
      But I've learned it's not about the money in this business, especially in the beginning years. It's about helping our work grow to a level where it can be well received by many. If I can make someone laugh or smile, my heart is content.
      But making enough money to stay home and write all day would be nice, wouldn't it!
      I will definitely hang in there, especially after hearing about your own struggles. I didn't realize how much everyone here has struggled so far=(

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    2. Thanks for stopping by my blog! The "Celebrate the Small Things" hop is ongoing, every Fri for about 3 years now. People just post every Fri with something good that happened, something they accomplished, or are grateful for. It can be combined with other hops, since it just needs a line or two and a link back to me. Here's the main page: http://lexacain.blogspot.com/2015/01/celebrate-small-things.html

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  12. I'm so sorry to hear this! Though, I completely understand where you were coming from and what happened. I'll be honest and say that I've quit writing before, as in completely deleted everything on all of my computers and basically said "this is it!" after a really hard rejection. It didn't stick, but there are times when I really wonder what on earth I'm doing spending so much time on writing. Still, it's what I love, so I try to remind myself of that as much as I can and enjoy the good times, knowing that they won't always last. This business is brutal, but I'm really glad to hear that you're moving forward and I wish you the best of luck!!

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    1. Thank you, Meradeth! It's nice to hear I am not the only one who feels this way. And you are right, writing is really what we love to do and for the most part, we do it well.
      I guess the first let down hurts the most. But we have to keep it moving!

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    2. That's the truth! :) Sending you all kinds of good mojo to do just that!

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  13. Glad you're back, Gina. I took a massive break from writing when my children were young, my father had died, my mother was diagnosed with dementia, and we had terrible financial problems, all in the space of around 5 years. I felt that I just couldn't face writing but ironically, I think it would have helped me incredibly. Sometimes life is too hard, especially when we feel as if we've failed, but the trick is to be kind to yourself and get back on the literary horse, eventually.

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    1. I like this.. "literary horse." It's so true.
      I am sorry to hear about all of your past problems but am happy to hear you were able to overcome everything and hop back onto the literary horse.
      Writing has always helped me when I am down but as far as my children's manuscripts were, it was hard for me to face them and be as dedicated to them when I created them. I'm hoping to get some help with edits and start applying to other publishers.
      Thanks for the encouraging words!

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  14. Welcome back, Gina. Such an honest post. I have felt this down, too. I remember being hit hardest between 2005 - 2007. I had two solid NYC agents, at different times, who didn't sell my work--one wouldn't and one couldn't. I felt like I was so close and then so far away. I was very depressed, but kept writing because I couldn't not write. Then I got another agent who sold my work, but we're not together anymore. Now I'm struggling with selling manuscripts without an agent and getting reviews and awards without a publicist. It's always a struggle. I do believe hard work will get recognized and good news has a way of popping up into one's life.

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    1. Geez, I never thought someone like you would have all of these struggles! This makes my first experience sound like a walk in the park!
      It really is hard to sell our books, especially when we are doing everything on our own. I've been putting myself out there for over two years and with a fulltime job, it feels impossible sometimes.
      I know I can do it. I know you can do it. This is what we live to do and I must keep reminding myself of this!
      And we all will fail but it's the redemption that makes the failure beautiful.

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  15. Oh, Gina I'm so happy you're back. I was missing you!! I absolutely have experienced the rejection. My resolve was to do it myself. Fuck it. I believe in my work so I self published. First, though I'm so sorry for what happened to you with the publisher. It's devastating and the fact that they could just let you hang there not knowing is horrible but I daresay typical of this business. You are a talented writer and rejection won't ever change that. I love how you ended this post and it's so true that we keep going. We get up and brush ourselves off. I remember I stopped writing my book at about chapter 5. I had so much more to write but I was defeated by my ex husband in Appeals court and it really shook me. All of a sudden out of the blue, I was so angry and I knew I HAD to finish my book. Somehow I did it. I think I had help from above. Great to see your face, Gina! Please stay in touch. p.s. Chrys is a wonderful friend!!

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    1. You are fierce, Lisa! Everyone could learn an immense amount of information and everyday struggles from your experiences. It sounds like your anger turned into something good because you finished your book!
      I self published which is how this whole journey began. I, too, didn't want anyone telling me whether or not I could visit schools and inspire kids, something I live to do.
      Thank you for stopping by! It's always nice to see your face too=) And yes, Chrys is an amazing friend!

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  16. Hey Gina! I am sorry again that you had to experienced that. I am not a writer but I have felt rejection before and it sucks. There is nothing wrong with taking a break. Glad that you are back!! I loved reading your comment about staying true to yourself and continuing to chase your success. That is right!! You continue to chase because the opportunity that is designed just for you is out there.

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    1. Hi JcCee! I love what you wrote here.. "You continue to chase because the opportunity that is designed just for you is out there." As always, thank you for your encouragement. You really do know how to motivate people!

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  17. Gina, I'm so glad that you're back. And I have been there and back with the rejection and it sucks, but I believe that everything happens for a reason. What if God has something better for you? Sometimes doors don't open because there's a better one waiting for us. It hurts dealing with feelings of rejection but you have to trust that whatever happens, you are always going to be right where you need to be. I think your book is terrific and I know that others feel the same. But keep writing, blogging, working out, and spending time with those precious kitties because having that balance in life is what keeps us sane.

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  18. Thanks, Quanie! I am glad to be back and didn't realize how happy I would be to see all of your faces until now. Breaks are good but if they run too long, I can see the dream slipping right through the crevices of our keyboards.
    Thank you so much for your sweet thoughts about my children's book. I actually have a few I only need edits for and then I am going to be thinking about some other publishers to move forward with my career. We gotta keep it moving!
    Balance is key, especially in this business. I have to get back to my 5am wake ups, which I miss dearly, and continue to keep it moving.

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  19. Big (((HUGS))). I went through something like 15 years of rejections and disappointments and "almosts" before I finally landed an agent. Even then, it was another two years before I got my book deal. In that time, there were some more almosts. A major publishing company was interested in my Ghost Patrol series. They requested intensive rewrites. We even had a LONG phone call about it all. Then, after months of going back and forth, they declined. We shopped it around some more and got no interest. In the meantime, we sent 30 Days of No Gossip and it landed with Simon & Schuster. If I hadn't had an agent continuing to advocate for me, I might have given up (at least for a while). You'll have major setbacks along the way but they make those successes SO much sweeter.

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  20. Thanks for the encouragement and HUGS Stephanie! It really helps to hear about everyone's ups and downs within the business. I am really thinking about getting an agent, at least to give my mind a little more peace without going crazy trying to decide whether or not to hunt traditional houses on my own or self publish again. I guess it couldn't hurt to see who is out there!
    I can't believe you were that close to given up... even for a while. 30 Days of No Gossip was such a success... and such a great lesson for our generation today!

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  21. Just stopped by to say hey.
    Glad today was a good one:)

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  22. I think that's the cycle of life. Things go well, we're on top of the world, things start to go downhill, we struggle to keep above it, and then the inevitable crash. The most important part is getting back up and not falling into despair. Believing there is hope. A reason to fight. I'm glad you found one. Keep at it because you are epic, and even if other people make strange/unexplainable choices, you still have the power to shine.

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    1. And I'm back. Just wanted you to know I finally accepted your Inspiring Blogger award. (Took long enough, right?)

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  23. Oh Gina, I am so, so, SO sorry you went through this. While I was reading your post, all I could think was, "oh god, poor Gina! I would be so devastated if this happened to me." There wasn't one ounce of judgement in any of my thoughts. When I read how badly you felt about how you reacted, I just felt WORSE. You are so hard on yourself, and you don't need to be - any one of us would react the same way. It's just human. I really admire that you've picked yourself up and taken such good care of yourself, and I am so, so glad to see you back. I've missed you!

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  24. You did the "comeback" on my daughter's birthday, which I am going to say is auspicious. I too, loved Scholastic books as a child - though it never occurred to me to wonder how children who could not purchase books felt when it came time to turn the order sheet in. My parents let me order as many as I wanted as long as I promised to read them. I'm not trying to get published myself, but I can see how hard it would be to get your hopes up and then... nothing. But it sounds a lot more to me like one person perhaps overstepped her boundaries or made promises she could not deliver than that the company itself rejected your work. And you clearly have a great support network urging you on. So I hope to be seeing many more posts from you now that you've picked yourself up. Get an agent, or self-publish some more - just do what you love while there's time. ;-)

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  25. It's so natural to feel as you do. This is one winding, rocky road you're on, but there are a lot of on it. Hope that at least helps.

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  26. Welcome back! Great post and good to have you back!

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  27. Hey Gina, I'm late to visit and comment :) but I thought of you lately, and decided to hop in and say hello. I come to find such a heart-wrenching post that resonated with me, particularly because I've gone through a similar creative struggle these past couple of months. I am sending over the biggest virtual hug right now! Thank you for sharing your story, your struggle, and please know, it meant a lot to me to hear that I am not alone. But more importantly to keep vigilant in my dream. At the end of the day, that's all we can ask of ourselves. :) All the best, my friend!

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  28. Hey, I was thinking about you today and hoping you were back on the blogosphere. Whatever is gg going on, I hope you're doing well.

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