Sunday, April 13, 2014

To Each His or Her Own Pace


Today is Palm Sunday for the Catholic Church.  I attended mass this morning to honor this emotionally trying, yet, inspiring day.  For many who share in the same beliefs, Palm Sunday is a day to truly recall upon the sacrifices Jesus made for us to be forgiven in this world.  It is a day to remember how he was beaten, bullied, mocked and nailed to the cross for the love and compassion He had for His Father’s Children. 
 
I felt an erosion of feelings submerging my thoughts like a cumbersome stream of magma churning within my stomach.  There was an emptiness eating away at the core which was being drowned by this waterfall of heated exhaustion… an exhaustion consisting of sadness, agony, resentment, sorrow, and most of all, loneliness.

There I sat in my phew as rivers unfolded from the center of my soul and wept from my weary eyes.  There was an endless amount of pain I had covered over the past several years and kept buried deep within; however, they were now trying to resurface once again.  I thought that by staying on the straight and narrow while continuing to contribute my part in ending self-destruction in others through volunteering and spending time with children who need mentors, or by sharing my mother’s illness and struggle, I would be fulfilled and come to full circle within my endeavors. 
 
Sadly, I was wrong.  Or at least, at that moment in church, as I sat and gazed at the cross and glorious statues and fixtures on the old, wooden walls… I felt completely and utterly alone.  I began to remember my childhood and how I spent many Sundays within those walls with my parents and sisters before our family fell apart.  Before the divorces, alcohol, fights, sickness, murder and dying of best friends and family members… before all of these circumstances which none of us could have predicted or prevented… it felt like time had been perfect.  And those memories would always be frozen and packed away in the corners of my strange, yet familiar mind.

My tears managed to fuse into subtle reminders that God was indeed, still with me and watching and hadn’t left me behind.  I was quickly reminded about a rendezvous I had in the city yesterday with an old friend who told me I was an inspiration to her.  Sometimes, when we are at our weakest, God has a way of lifting us up.  He manages to remind us about our missions and to never give up on our passions no matter how alone or afraid we might feel. 
 
My friend sat across from me during dinner yesterday, and was in absolute awe by the work I do when I volunteer with organizations that help to encourage and educate our children.  She told me to never give up on my ventures and to always keep my heart at the forefront because some day, God will reward all of the positive energy I put out into the universe. 

There are always going to be ups and downs in our days and the journey is never easy.  If it was, there would be no room for growth and change and no place for our hearts and minds to truly be nurtured and fed.  We live out our days by the stages of our achievements and commitments which we make not only for ourselves, but for each other.  Sometimes, those engagements change but the journey remains the same.  I might have felt alone today while I sat and admired the work of the Creator, but after I thought about everything, I knew physically, loneliness was just a feeling; not a state of being.  Because every single human being is never alone when you have Him to walk beside you.  You just have to open your heart and your eyes and truly see the miracles around you. 
 
If you are like me and sometimes get down on your slow growth or current state of being, just think about all of the amazing things you have done with your life so far.  Count all of your blessings and the wonderful people who are actually still here with you.  Embrace your family, love your neighbor, put your phones and Ipads down and talk to your loved ones and friends.  Sit in a quiet place and meditate on your thoughts.  Read a good book or snuggle up to an old movie.  Call someone who you haven’t spoken to in a long time.  Go for a run.  But don’t loath in the lethargic strides of your journey.  It's the destination which matters the most. 

Today, after church, I went on a long run through a beautiful trail not far from our home.  On the drive back, I stuck my arms out of the window and felt the wind pounding against my skin.  It felt invigorating.  There is beauty and magic in the world around us in every single moment of every single day.  Whether it’s a smile from a stranger or laughter echoing from children playing outside… whether it’s the sound of birds chirping and frolicking around in the puddles outside of your window… whether it’s a simple gesture but the kindest in it’s simplicity… there is admiration everywhere.  So if you ever get down on the pace of your journey, think about the positives instead of lingering on the negatives.  You will get moving.  Life isn’t easy but it sure is magnificent.  A true gift, life is.
 
There is a reason for everything and we all have a purpose.  I might not have found mine yet, but I will continue to pour joy and happiness in my heart whenever it is thirsty.  And my friends… my heart will always be thirsty.  We can never give too much or too little.  But as long as we are giving, then we are fulfilling the desire to be better people and leaders not  just for ourselves, but for those around us who need inspiration and encouragement the most.  Happy Palm Sunday!

Are you ever hard on yourself for reasons which are out of your hands?  How do you cope with bumps in the road? 

 

27 comments:

  1. I think it's natural to be tough on ourselves sometimes for things that are not within our control. We're human. But as long as we are trying our best and doing what we can for others, then we have to trust that we're on the right path.

    Happy Palm Sunday, Gina.

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    1. Thanks, Kelly. You are right... these feelings do come natural and trusting ourselves is the best way to help us stay on the right path.

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  2. What a wonderful post, Gina. Always lit with the light within you. You are a special person to me.

    You know, this whole thing about being hard on oneself...that is still something that I stub my toe on over and over again. Just the other day I was told that I was being too hard on myself. It's like I hold myself up to some greater standard than I afford others. And that's ego talking, even though it doesn't feel like it. I mean, if I hold myself to a higher standard, then hell, I must think pretty highly of myself, right? This may seem like I am cutting everyone a break, and just pushing myself (and it can be that at times), but I am putting myself above everyone, and when I don't act the way I *think* I should act, I get pissy. I take the whip out and start whipping myself on the back. And I do it without even knowing it sometimes.

    Old thinking.

    I too think that what you do is amazing. You may not feel it at times. So then I will do things like compare myself - another one of my grand character defects. So then I figure - what's the point? ugh. these ways of thinking are just so easy for me to latch onto, and why not - I spent my entire life feeling like that. Being a few years removed from the bottle plus all the step work and therapy, etc. won't make it disappear overnight.

    So what to do? Do what you do - think gratitude. Think of what has been accomplished. Think of what *can* be accomplished. Not always easy when stuck in the muck and mire of self-pity. But I love what you said - these feelings are just passing thoughts. They aren't reality. But it can feel like it, unless I learn to let it go.

    Wonderful post, Gina. Love your writing and quiet bravado :)

    Paul

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    1. Your words are sweet whispers to an aching soul... truly Paul. You may not think it at times, but your wisdom, accomplishments and advice are thoughts to latch on to... especially for those, like myself, who can be quite hard on themselves.

      Ahh, the good old ego. It goes both ways, doesn't it? Setting us up for defeat when we raise our aspirations so high that it is often clipped by the waving of our hands as they extend to reach those goals. The higher we stand on our tippy toes trying to reach out for those dreams, the more it hurts when we land back down on flat feet if the grandeur achievement just hasn't been made yet.

      But like you said... being grateful for even the smallest accomplishments is something we can soak our footsteps in. With every stride we take, we get closer to making all of our dreams come true. It might sound corny but I think it's absolutely true.

      Humans weren't built to be perfect so we are always going to have those doubtful moments or times when we feel alone. However, there will always be small reminders around us to lift our spirits back up and smack us on the ass to keep the journey moving.

      Thanks for sharing, Paul. Beautiful thoughts... always.

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  3. Churches always make me feel sad and alone, and I was in a bunch of them when I was young because my mother was a church organist. I believe people should do all they can to make their lives happier and better. You can't change the past but you can enjoy the present.

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    1. You are absolutely right, Lexa. No one can change the past but we can enjoy the present by taking advantage of every single gift we have been given or achievement that's been made. We can also take what we have learned from our past and decorate the present better to enable greater memories as we grow older. The past will always be a part of us but it doesn't have to define who we are or who we are capable of becoming. We all have one but it is up to us to choose how we use it to better our enjoyment of the present and future. Thanks for stopping by!

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  4. I'm constantly hard on myself. I'm my father's daughter in that way, but when life throws up obstacles, I keep one thing in mind. As long as I have my husband and my children, as long as we are together, then life isn't so bad, in fact, it's brilliant.

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    1. Yes Fi, our loved ones do make life magnificent. Their presence are reminders that we have others here with us who we can truly count on whenever we feel troubled. It's nice to have them surrounding us.

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  5. I'm always hard on myself and it's something I really need to stop doing. Because when I am, I always drag myself into the pits of depression, which is never a good thing. When I encounter bumps in the road, I look to my family and friends, such as you, to help me cope. Their words of encourage are always the medicine I need. :)

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    1. The ability to cope is really a true gift we will always find within the solace and comfort of our loved ones. It's amazing how much simple words of encouragement from friends and family can uplift us. I guess we all experience the "ups and downs" of this industry or even life in general. But one thing remains the same; those who we count on the most will never turn their backs toward us. Don't be so hard on yourself, Chrys, and I will try to do the same=)

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  6. Wishing you a day filled with joy, Gina.

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    1. Thank you, Sandra=) Sending those same thoughts your way.

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  7. Gina, I am so happy that you had an inspiring Palm Sunday. It assures me, that all the beliefs, that I tried to Instill in you and your sisters, has had a positive effect in your life. So many people today want to wait and let their children make their own decisions about religion. But I believe that giving a little nudge in the right direction, will never hurt anything. Keep singing His praises and He will always be there for you. Can't wait to celebrate Easter with you next week!

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  8. I can't begin to thank you enough, mom, for the values and beliefs you bestowed upon us children growing up. There was a time in my life when I was "finding myself" and strayed away but those forks in the road only brought me closer toward Him in the end. You and Mommom are such inspirations to me and I will always be grateful that I had such amazing family guidance, nurturing and love. I can always count on the both of you when I'm feeling down or if I'm generally too hard on myself. And you seem to always know when I'm heading in that direction... even when I don't see it coming! Thanks for reading. Can't wait to spend the holiday with you too!

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  9. I think we're all hard on ourselves at one point or another. Sometimes I have to remind myself that there's a reason for everything and that there's a lesson to be learned in every season of our lives. We just have to figure out what that is and learn to bloom where we're planted:)

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  10. I love this, Quanie.. "learn to bloom where we're planted." Couldn't have said it better myself=)

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  11. Gina, it's difficult but it's also normal to break down and feel lonely. (This is something I have to remind myself, too.) At those moments, we may not feel it but I suspect even our sorrows are beautiful because they are honest. You are growing, you are. You are making a difference in others' lives, you are. You are strong and warm, you are. You say you might not have found your purpose, but I get this feeling that you have, and that this is the beginning of it ~ your influence on people. Hugs, Claudine.

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    1. Oh, Claudine! You almost brought tears to my eyes. How sweet your regards are toward my strides. Thank you for this=)
      I loved how you wrote "our sorrows are beautiful because they are honest." I never looked deeply at them enough to admire their magnificence. In a way, they bring us closer toward the deepest yearnings in our heart. I'm in awe=)

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  12. Just stopped by to wish you a happy and blessed Easter, Gina.

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    1. Happy Easter, Sandra! I hope yours is filled with many blessings and new memories with your family=)

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  13. Just stopped by to say 'hey' and happy Wednesday, Gina.

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  14. I always doubt myself. I am always thinking of what I could have done better to make a different outcome even though I know it was not my fault.

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    1. It's a constant struggle, isn't it? Deep down, we know we are doing the best we can and yet, we still have those "doubts."

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  15. Gina. What an incredible gift you have! The wisdom of your words shows a maturity that far surpasses your age. I started reading from your initial post of a couple of years ago and have just finished the most recent and I found an emotional connection to many of them. Please don't ever give up on your goals and never allow anyone to tell you that you can't become what you want to become.

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  16. Thank you so much for reading all of my blog entries, John. This really touches my heart in more ways than imaginable. I am blessed to have people stop by from time to time to read my thoughts. I really appreciate your kind regards here... truly!

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  17. Wishing you a Sunday full of peace and contentment, Gina.

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    1. Sandra, you are so sweet. Had a beautiful Sunday yesterday, thank you=) Wishing you the same.

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