Sunday, March 23, 2014

Writing Captured by Life's Experiences


Today, while I was wrapping up one of the last chapters of my novel, I burst into tears.  It was the first time I had ever cried during a scene.  I saw one of my main characters as clear as day and felt his pain go straight through my own heart.  It was a pivotal and captivating moment for me; to say the least. 


As we grow within our writing and extend our fingers way past the comfort zones and strides of the keyboard, there is something spiritual which happens deep within our souls.  It’s almost as if we become frozen in time.  We melt away with all of the emotions we have created not only for our characters, but which have been flourishing from the valleys rooted beneath the surface.  Our writing forces us to venture to places where we never thought even existed within ourselves. 
 
A friend of mine passed away four years ago.  His 37th birthday would have been last February.  He had brain aneurism which suddenly burst out of nowhere, and he instantly fell into a coma.  His mother found him on the floor of the kitchen, soaking in his own vomit.  I wanted to be there for him as soon as he was admitted into the hospital, but my boss needed me that week and I couldn’t commute four hours each day for work.  As soon as the weekend arrived, I hopped in my car and went straight to pick up my sister and headed to the hospital.  I gave my friend, G, my favorite rosary which his mother left in his hands until he finally left our world for good later that evening. 

Can you believe it?  It was almost as if he had waited for me to get there so I could hold his hand one final time and speak to him before he passed on.  The monitor in the ICU kept making sounds whenever I got close to him and spoke.  I asked the nurse if this was normal and she said, “No,” and she believed he could hear us.  But truth be told, the doctors said he was brain dead and would never recover.  He died a few hours later; after my visit.

That moment right there; knowing I would never see my friend again nor have a second chance at continuing our love which was started when we were teenagers… that moment was engraved in a special part of my heart and will never disperse.  It has a certain rapture on my most kindred memories of the two of us together.  This doesn't necessarily mean I still love him the way I did when I was 16, 17 and 18 years old.  But it does mean I will always love the time we spent together and a rare companionship which lasted until the day he died. 
Why am I mentioning my first love, who was also a lifelong friend, and what does it have to do with my writing?  Everything. 
 
Letting my friend go was one of the hardest things I ever had to do in my life after I buried my Daddy C.  They were two people who loved and adored me; truly and unconditionally.  So when I had to say goodbye to someone in my novel, I felt those emotions rumbling in the depths of the deepest canyons of my soul.  I cried so much that I had to close the computer and run to Church.  I’ve learned the silence in prayer or the solace of an early morning on the beach can both help to sooth even my most dismal, sad and darkest thoughts. 


My friend would have been proud of the writer I’ve become and author I’m still aspiring to be.  I know he and my late father are looking down on me, weightlessly catching my tears as they stream down my curiously sad face.  But that is the thing we must always remember as creators, thinkers, mentors, writers, authors, etc.  We are still here, living and breathing and most importantly, curious… That waters may be shallow at times but on the other hand, they might also be ten thousand feet deep.  We have the opportunity to create the most epic and astounding reasoning; decorating this world with our imagination and endless thoughts. 

Sadly, some of our loved ones are no longer able to paint the world with us.  So now, when I get lost in a scene or drive my inner voice mad, angry or sullenly distraught, I tell myself that it is okay and I’m making something so beautiful, my Daddy C and my first love, G, are going to be proud of me today. 

Here’s looking at all of you, my fellow writers, family and friends, and wishing you an astounding week succumbed by a driving force so passionate, the keys on your laptop won’t know what hit them!

What has been the driving force or fuel in your life, blogs, writing and/or scenes? 

26 comments:

  1. I cry a lot when I write because I relive feelings through my characters. One of my upcoming books is about a first love and I thought of mine while writing it. It was emotional for me.

    Experiencing past emotions can be tough but I think you never stop caring about people, even if they aren't in your life anymore. I always say the 16-17 year old version of me will always love my first love. I wish him nothing but the best. And I think writing about feeling I've had (even though the events behind them are different) is a great tribute to people in our lives and what they've made us feel.

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  2. How nicely put Kelly; writing about the feeling we once had as a tribute to the people who have affected our lives. I couldn't agree more.
    I think using those memories and feelings makes us more vulnerable as writers since we truly connect on a deeper level with our characters. And not only does it make us stronger and more susceptible for growth in real love, but it helps our characters change for whatever reasons necessary in our novels. Thanks for sharing!

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  3. That is a beautiful story Gina. The emotions of the story you were writing were obviously authentic and written from the heart. It is interesting that you speak of your friend's waiting for you. I'm inclined to think that is probably true. I believe the same of my sister when she passed away after an horrendous battle with cancer. When, at the request of her husband, I took her three young children to visit her, she was struggling to be there for them. In the brief time between dropping them to their grandfather and returning to her bedside, she had passed away. I am certain that she both waited for them to come, then waited for them to go. Time recedes, but the memories don't.

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  4. Wow, Norah... it's incredible to think how our loved ones struggle for their last breaths until they have reached the final moments of their lives here, with us. The power of the heart can do impeccable things.
    I'm sorry to hear about your sister. Cancer is such a horrible and devastating illness. I've watched several people suffer from breast and colon cancer and sadly, my aunt is now suffering from bone cancer. They say the good die young and as hard as this pill may be to swallow, that saying is the only thing which makes sense during times like these. I appreciate your kind thoughts.

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  5. What a sad story. I'm so sorry to hear about the untimely death of someone who was so close to you. I think it's healthy to get those feelings out, and writing is a perfect way to do it. I'm sure your readers will feel the emotions as you do. Have a good week. :)

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  6. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Lexa. It was a very sad moment in my life but those experiences make us stronger and our hearts more relatable to travesties like illness, sickness and death. But the good part out of all of this is having the ability and awareness to turn sadness into great writing... to reflect upon the pain and squeeze it so hard, that it leaves us with no choice but to find even the most desperate grain of joy or happiness which can grow from it.
    Have a wonderful week!

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  7. Gina, You vividly brought back the memory of Daddy C and G. That is how their spirit will stay alive and with us. They are proudly smiling down on your accomplishments. If Daddy C were still here, he would be going door to door to promote your books! I am anxiously awaiting my guest room, at the beachfront property. I have complete confidence that all your dreams will come true.

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  8. Awe, that means a lot to me... Especially coming from you:) I agree; Daddy C would definitely be selling my books right next to his fruit stand. I can even hear his voice saying my name in my head as he flags down customers, ha! Well one thing is for sure... He is in good company up there while he patiently waits to be with us again. A house along the beach would be nice!

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  9. Very special blog, Gina. Sounds like you've captured the essence of your character.

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    1. Thank you so much, Sandra. I sure hope so:)

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  10. So beautifully stated and laid out, Gina. Your writing is powerful, and I am glad you are sharing it with all of us, whether we have it in our hands / laptops / e-reader now or later. I am not a big quotes guy, but it reminded me of two of them:

    “There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed.” (Hemingway) and
    "No tears in the writer, no tears in the reader. No surprise in the writer, no surprise in the reader.” (Frost)

    The one thing that continually catches me by surprise when I sit down and type is where the stuff comes from. There is something that comes from the well inside that doesn't emerge and bubble forth when thinking about it, or waxing about it, or intellectualizing it, or writing it mentally. There is a particular surge that occurs when I put ass-in-chair and just go at it.

    I understand what you say about our history weighing on us. Especially when it comes to writing. You have a lot of pain and suffering and also a lot of joy and gratitude which touches everything you write. And that's a gift to share that and to contain it and to examine it. I find that as I write, more gets revealed and it's unplanned. We write from joy and pain, and you are touching those deeply. And it will show in the work.

    Thank you for sharing this and about your friend and your dad. I can tell how you wrote about it that you have found closure and healing from that.

    Paul

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  11. Paul, words cannot express my gratitude in your kindness towards my thoughts and writing. I really appreciate them.
    I absolutely love the quotes you have shared here. I will keep them in mind whenever I fall under the pressure of time and trying to force certain scenes out. You are right; our writing and creativity comes from a place resonating inside of us. Sometimes, we aren't even aware of the power of the places we've been, the people we've met and the emotions we've felt over the last decades of our lives. But they manage to come about through certain characters, surroundings, images and situations in our blogs, stories, novels and other means of writing and art. It's quite magnificent, isn't it?
    Our history will always be a part of us but it shall never define who we attain to become. I like to think about the joyful and happier times as whispers and glimpses and the more tragic times simply lessons and hardships learned. Our past with ourselves and others allows us to grow as human beings. It enables us to color the world and try to make it a better place through all we have felt and learned. I'm glad I'm still, amongst the living, making a mark, no matter how small or big it may be.
    As always, thank you for stopping by and sharing your words. You are a great friend, Paul.

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  12. I think the amazing thing about writing is that we somehow write through our pain without even realizing it. It saddens me to hear that you lost your friend. Writing can really help us to heal.

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    1. Yes, it certainly can, Quanie. Even if it can't bring back our loved ones, I truly believe their memories and spirits can live through our writing. Thanks for sharing:)

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  13. I don't recall crying while writing, but I've cried plenty of times while reading over my manuscripts, especially for my supernatural-thriller series. I wrote countless tear-jerking moments about loss and death and it's impossible for me to hold back my tears when I read what I wrote as a reader would.

    In a lot of parts in that series there was a driving force...my past as a child/teen when I felt forgotten and unloved. My heroine was an unwanted foster child, so those scenes are very raw to me.

    I never got to know my grandma (she died when I was two of ovarian cancer), so I honored her in my series with a wonderful grandmother part, but it does end tragically and I blame my series for that one. But it was so nice writing about that grandmother because I felt connect to my grandma. :)

    This was a very touching post, Gina. Thank you for sharing the story of your friend.

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  14. Your writing is strong, Chrys, which is why you could take a step back as a reader and shed tears. I'm happy to hear this because it predicts great things ahead for you and the books you have yet to release:) I look forward to crying with you!
    Your grandmother would be proud of all of the work you've been doing and I'm sure it has tickled her spirit knowing you have written in dedication to her.
    I was 17 when my dad died and I remember my love at the time, G (the one who also passed) was there at his funeral with me, holding my hand. These two men, Daddy C & G will always be in my heart as my writing soars to new places.
    We are all capable of making our dreams come true... The memories and experiences we have shared will allow us to expand our wings as we continue to get closer to our aspirations.
    As always, thank you for your sweetness here, Chrys:)

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  15. Dear Gina, your Daddy C and G would be very proud of you. Everyday. You were a special part in their lives. So keep going, keep writing, and stay beautiful inside and outside by taking the best care of yourself, ok? I've teared up a few times while writing my MG novel because I could feel my little heroine's hurt. The connection we have with our characters is amazing.

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  16. Thank you so much for your kind thoughts, Claudine=)

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    1. I just read your reply on my blog and want to let you know I'm very grateful for your strong encouragements, Gina. Hope all's well with you. :)

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  17. Everything. I carry a pad and pen with me. When I am inspired, I write it down and save it for when I need it. There is so much inspiration I do not want to miss it.

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  18. Yes, Lady Lilith... the world around us is constantly providing us with inspiration. Like yourself, I carry a small journal in my purse and write down any thoughts or musings which come to mind throughout the day. I also have a notepad next to my bed because as you can tell, my dreams are intense! And provide some great entertainment and ideas=)

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  19. Just stopped by to say Hey and Happy Sunday Evening.

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    1. Happy Sunday, Sandra. Thanks for stopping by. You're so sweet=)

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  20. Thanks, Sandra! Have a wonderful week. Still going at it with the novel but hoping to get another blog post up today... hoping!

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  21. I was rereading my novel recently and thought 'how pathetic I am...' I was crying as i read through a scene. I laughed at another. For a moment I forgot it was my work. I think we can't help but feel the emotions we write. I believe this to be a wonderful thing. I'm sure your friend would be very please.

    As for our emotions....it's in our tool kit. We draw on all aspects of our life when we are facing the blank page. Keep soaring on the page, Gina.

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    1. Isn't it incredible how lost we can become within our own work? I never imagined the possibilities which would come from my own writing. Brenda, your work is quite moving. It's a wonder how emotionally involved you become with your own novels and blogging. Thanks for sharing!

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