Liebster Award

I am over the moon to announce fellow friend and author, Chrys Fey, has nominated me for the Liebster Award.  I can’t tell you how excited I was to hear she chose me and ten other bloggers.  My blogging journey started in the summer of 2013 when my mother almost died from alcoholism.  From her mistakes, conquests and my own battles and struggles with this disease, I started to regain confidence and take back what were rightfully mine; my irreplaceable talent and passion for writing which was sacrificed for years of self-pity and not knowing how to love my own soul.  I can’t begin to express the gratitude and appreciation my heart feels at this time and it is all thanks to my family, friends, readers and admirable people like Chrys.  I am blessed in more ways than I could ever imagine so I want to thank each and every one of you for taking the time to pass by my cozy little sanctuary, “Dawning on a New Day.”  And thank you Chrys for this incredible honor!

 

The Liebster Award is given to bloggers with less than 200 followers.  The goal of this grand gesture is to help find blogs which are worthy of a bigger following... sort of like finding diamonds scattered amongst tiny grains of sparkling, white, distant sands.  You imagine they are there but you have to look hard enough to pick up their beauty and inspiration against the decadence of a jealous sun. 

In German, Liebster means kindest, beloved, valued and welcome.

The rules for accepting this award are as follows:

1)      List 11 random facts about myself.

2)      Answer 11 questions from the blogger who nominated me.

3)      Nominate 11 other blogs who have less than 200 followers and let them know they have been nominated.

4)      Post 11 new questions for those bloggers to answer (If they wish to accept the award, it’s completely optional).

11 Random Facts About Myself

1)      I have a tattoo of the Chinese symbol for “Love” because I believe in its power.   Love can help mold us into the leaders we wish to be once we learn to become infatuated with our inner-selves.  It also has the power to find its counterpart in another soul, create children and make this world a better place.  I won’t tell you where my tattoo is located because some things are meant to be a mystery=)

2)      I have a children’s book published under a pen name and I visit many schools throughout New Jersey for author visits.  I have two presentations next week=)

3)      In high school, I graduated in the top 10 of my class among 365 other students.  I was then awarded the Rutgers Pell Grant which afforded me half of a scholarship to attend Rutgers University where I received a degree in English.  I almost checked out with a degree in Business before my heart finally took over my dreams of becoming rich from working within the Finance industry.  After two years studying business, I quickly brought my minor (which was English) up to my major and graduated with a minor in Criminology instead.

4)      When I was 17, my father was murdered and his murdered never went to jail for this crime.  There is an even bigger twist to this story which I will someday reveal in a memoir. 

5)      I love historical fiction and romance.  Some of my favorite novels are Little Women, Dangerous Liaisons, Pride and Prejudice, Jane Eyre, The Notebook, and Memoirs of a Geisha.  When I was a little girl, I was obsessed with Anne of Avonlea and Anne of Green Gables.  I also enjoy a good mystery or suspense.    

6)      I am obsessed with cheese, olives and nuts; yes all three must be served together!  And on some occasions, I love a nice hard cheese (mostly manchego) with honey spread on baguette slices.  I also love a soft buttery brie or goat and if I’m feeling really spontaneous, a mild bleu.

7)      I love 80s movies.  Some of my favorites are Coming to America, Breakfast Club, Heathers, Trading Places, Can’t Buy Me Love, Beverly Hills Cop, Legend, Labyrinth, Cocktail, Top Gun, Pretty in Pink, Sixteen Candles, and Ghost.

8)      I was a “trekkie” when I was a child and watched all episodes of Star Treck with my grandfather before he passed away.

9)      I have one more payment before I finally pay off my student loan.  You can imagine how much of a relief this will be after paying for my education for the last 12 years.   

10)   I love traveling and some of my favorite destinations are Cabo San Lucas, Puerto Rico, Playa del Carmen, and Las Vegas.  I am going to Cozumel and Costa Rica within the next year.

11)   I thought I knew everything there is to know about love before I met my companion on a dating website three years ago.  We have been living together ever since and he has helped me strive to be a better person not only for him, but for the woman I wish to always learn from and become.

11 Questions from the blogger who nominated me

1)      What are your favorite pizza toppings? 

a.       Normally, grandma pizza is my favorite but if I had to choose toppings, they would be mushrooms, black olives and maybe some type of chicken vodka, buffalo or alfredo.

2)      Who is your favorite superhero?

a.       Superman is my favorite superhero.  I fell in love with this character back in the 80s when Christopher Reeve played Clark Kent.  My 2^nd children’s book has a new superhero=)  But this will be kept a secret!

3)      If your house were burning down, what would you take and why?

a.       I would take my children, if I had any, my husband and our two dogs.  If I had any other time left, I would grab all of the expensive jewelry and photo albums.  We would need the money from the jewels and memories to get us through such a devastating time. 

4)      If you had a time machine, what year would you travel to and why?

a.       I would travel to 1997 and save my father from his murderer.  I would warn him the day before to leave his house and his then, drug-addict and monstrous wife.  I would also warn my cousin Tee to not ride motorcycles and prevent his death only a few years later after my father’s death.

5)      What are you afraid of?

a.       Not succeeding.  I am so afraid that all of my hard work will never reach its ultimate destination.  I’ve had such incredible milestones along the way; however, we all dream of becoming a best-seller and well-known author.  I used to be afraid to die but after I watched a friend of mine suffer and pass away in the hospital, I am no longer fearful of it.  I know I have many angels waiting for me when I pass on into the afterlife.

6)      What’s the best book you’ve read this year?

a.       “Walk Me Home” and “Pay it Forward:  A Novel ” both by Catherine Ryan Hyde and “Walk Two Moons” by Sharon Creech which my niece recommended for me=)

7)      What is the best vacation you ever had?

a.       The best vacations I've had were to be Cabo San Lucas three years ago and a Bahama Cruise about five years ago.  On both vacations, I met some really great people who I still keep in touch with and even visit from time to time.  There was something about the cruise, though, that I have really great memories when I need to venture toward the back of my mind.

8)      What’s your biggest pet peeve?

a.       Cigarette smoke.

9)      What’s your favorite love story?

a.       I have so many.  But I would have to go four stories… House of Flying Daggers, Slumdog Millionaire, The Vow, and Far and Away.

10)   What is the best thing you have done in your life?

a.       Sobriety.  I wish I could shake the demons out of those who are struggling with this ugly and destructive disease known as alcoholism.  For me, I was only able to start living when I gave up the one thing which almost killed me and sadly, numbed me for a long period of my life. 

11)   List five adjective to describe yourself.

a.       Giving, Dedicated, Spontaneous, Grateful, and Hopeful.

 

My 11 Nominees

1)      Claudine from Carry Us Off Books.  It is always such a delight to stop by her extensive little nook of children’s books and thoughts.  If you are ever looking for really sweet and endearing recommendations, I highly suggest you visit her website.

2)      Charli Mills from Elmira Pond Spotter.  Charli’s writing always manages to give me something to take home.  Her stories are delightful and her thoughts are sincere.

3)      Sandra from Sandra’s Blog.  Sandra has over 200 followers but less than 300 and I wanted to give her blog some recognition because she always puts a smile on my face whenever I stop by there. 

4)      Christina from Turbulence in the Veins.  Her story is one of the most inspiring stories I know.  So many people can learn from her and truly be touched.

5)      Quanie Miller from Quanie Talks Writing.  She is always giving great reviews, giveaways and most recently, author critiques on her blog!  Such a great place for valuable information and advice.

6)      Chrys Fey from Write With Fey.  I know Chrys nominated me but I had to return this honor to her.  Ever since I’ve started this blogging journey, Chrys has supported me and been an incredibly kind friend.  Her blog is one of the best blogs out there and any author or writer could benefit from reading her weekly posts. 

7)      Christian from Lessons Learned From Living at Rock Bottom.  Christian’s words come straight from the heart.  If you haven’t had a chance to visit his blog, I suggest taking a peek and living through his eyes even for just a few moments.

8)      Sarah Elizabeth Boucher at Bringing Twisted Fairy Tales to Life.  Sarah is a beloved teacher adored by her students and an astounding author.  I love how she uses storytelling and her experiences to express such intriguing thoughts about the beauty of this world and life in general.

9)      Dawn from Funny Girl’s Memoirs.  Dawn is like a sister to me and has been blogging for quite some time now.  You can see how she is beginning to open up more and flourish with her thoughts and pen when reading her posts.  Dawn’s mother lost her battle with cancer last year at a very young age and Dawn has been embarking on and sharing the downs of such a loss.  Visit her blog to laugh, cry and cope through the toughest of times together.  P.S. She is probably one of the funniest and kindest people I know!  I literally pee my pants whenever I am around her!

10)   Anthony Otten from Anthony Otten.  Anthony’s writing is quite special and always manages to uplift my spirit whenever I need a reminder of how powerful our Creator is and most importantly; how important our relationship with Him really is.  I highly recommend reading his writing, even if you aren’t religious.  Anthony’s writing is going to take him places and I can’t wait to see what life has in store for this talented author.

11)   Christina Rowell at Devil Slaying Amongst Other Things.  I really adore Christina’s sense of style and creativity with her writing.  You can see how unique she is by the posts she chooses to share and for this reason, I nominate her for this award.

11 Questions for My Nominees

1)      What is one thing most of us do not know about you?

2)      What are your top 10 favorite movies of all time?

3)      What is one of your favorite things about each of the four seasons?

4)      Do you believe you can love more than one person at different times of your life?

5)      What do you love most about your writing?

6)      What are some of your favorite novels?

7)      Do you like cheese?  If so, what is your favorite type?

8)      If you could go back in time and change one thing, what would it be?

9)      If you had three wishes, what would they be?

10)   What was the best vacation you ever had and why?

11)  Do you believe in soul mates?  Why or why not?

 

Thank you, everyone, for visiting and I look forward to sharing this award with the nominees mentioned above!

How I Found the Write Path

Today, I'm excited to announce I will be participating in a fantastic blogfest called How I Found the Write Path.  I will be sharing with you a pre-published letter to myself regarding all of the things I have learned since publishing my work.  Carrie Butler is hosting the blogfest in celebration of her third blogiversary along with many other incredible authors and bloggers.  Carrie will also be compiling these letters into a free E-book for writers who need help along their own paths toward publication.  What an amazing idea, right?  We can all give Carrie a big THANKS for her thoughtful endeavors and the participating writers a round of applause for their contributions. 

Carrie, you are more than welcome to use my letter in your book!

 

 

I have work published under a children's book author pen name but I will be using my adult pen name in reference to this post.  Here is my letter and I hope you can all gain something from my experience!

 

 

To my beloved and aspiring author to-be,

There is so much I want to tell you as you begin to thrust yourself down the publishing rabbit hole.  I will make this brief since there will be tons of others helping to guide you along the beginning of your journey.  I want to share with you some of the things I have learned which helped create the stepping stones toward our final destination together within this industry.

First and most importantly, before you think about writing or even publishing your book, begin building your brand.  This could take a long time so be prepared to be committed.  Since you are interested in publishing both children’s books and adult fiction, you will have to set aside a good amount of time before the day job begins.  Begin reaching out and connecting with parenting blogs, mommy bloggers, book reviewers, publishing houses, and other authors and bloggers.

If you’ve already written your book and have yet to build your brand, don’t worry!  There is still plenty of time.  Begin getting making your way around the online writing community while attending writing conferences and seminars to polish off any skills you think you may or may not have.

Give tons of reviews for other authors' books; especially those who you begin to build strong relationships with.  Get to know your community.  I can’t stress this enough.  You don’t want to be one of those people who goes around asking for reviews once your book is released.  This is a big NO, NO. 

Throw yourself out there and don’t be afraid to ask questions.  Everyone is super nice in the world wide web of writers.  But try to do these things BEFORE you seek publication.  You want a strong platform and audience welcoming your book once it is released.

Since I’ve had a lot of experience visiting schools, libraries and bookstores, I suggest you make a list of all of these establishments throughout New Jersey and make an effort to reach out to them right before your book is released.  This will save you a lot more time for promoting and writing your 2^nd book and even give you extra room to book author visits and presentations once your work goes on sale.  You don’t want to be cramping everything during the school year when you are being hounded to write your second book; not to mention that adult fiction novel you have been meandering about.  The more prepared you are before publication, the better off you will be when it comes to making time for social media and most importantly; your writing.

I also highly recommend you start a blog.  In fact, I’m telling you that you must submerge yourself into the blogging world; specifically before the release of your children’s book and novel.  There is a boundless sea of authors, writers and bloggers out there building their brands by blogging.  This is a brilliant way to build better relationships and make long-lasting connections with your colleagues.  Not to mention; if and when you decide to query agents, you will have something solid to show them other than your manuscript.  The more people you have engaging with you and your blog, the better.  And don’t be shy when it comes to visiting others' blogs.  It is very important to read and share your input on their posts as well. 

Lastly, remember to take time for yourself.  Sometimes, it’s good to unplug and relax away from networking and social media.  Don’t lose yourself amongst the thousands of tweets and Facebook posts you will be sending each day.  You started this journey because you are a writer and the most important thing you can do as a writer is WRITE. 

Never give up on your dreams and keep pushing yourself closer to the grandeur goal.  Rejections build character and make us stronger so don’t ever give up.  This is YOUR life… YOUR dream… and YOUR journey; no one else’s.  And if you ever have to choose whether or not to catch up on social media or write a few thousand words for your book, do what your heart tells you to do.   Social media will always be a few taps of the keyboard away; but ideas and musings of our mind and heart come and go.  Don’t turn them away because of Twitter and Facebook.  Those things can wait; however, writing the GREAT… this can never wait.  Someday, your GREAT will define the destination of your FATE.



Gina Stoneheart
Children's Book Author & Adult Fiction Novelist
www.dawningonanewday.blogspot.com

Remembering Their Voices

Today, I am raising awareness to a crime so inconceivably heinous, I had no choice but to submit to my own heart’s magnetism and morbid mourning of the unimaginable.  I am sure you have heard about the abduction of over 200 young girls from a school in Nigeria.  If you haven’t, I invite you to open your ears, eyes and heart to their cries and longing to be found and returned home to their loved ones.

 

Child abductions and human trafficking have both had huge impacts on the nature of my meandering mind and ultimately; my writing.  My novel, which I will be seeking representation for, is centered on an abduction case which actually happened within this country. 

Although my story was not based on the same criminal act, it just so happens the real kidnapping and murdering of a nine year-old, little girl had similarities extremely close to my own plot and even occurred three weeks after I began writing the story.  When I discovered the article on Google news one morning this past February, tears eroded my heart… flooding my eyes with anxiety, sadness and despair.  I couldn’t believe the connections between the article and my novel… right down to the last name of the little girl and the town where she was abducted.  I have since changed the last name of the character in my manuscript as well as the town she was taken from.

 

We don’t hear their voices when they scream.  Out of sight… and unfortunately… out of mind.  But I’m making a stronger effort now, more than ever, to concentrate and hear their distant cries; their shouts of pain, suffering, frightening alienation and feelings of cold, hopelessness, and utter destitution.  There is no light at the end of the dark tunnels of the unknown which lay ahead of them.

Even if we are unable to help them, let us at least be silent and think about them.  Some people can’t stand to watch the news or listen to the atrocities currently engulfing the beauty and humanity in this world.  But I think it is our duty, as human beings, to meditate and give those who are lost our compassion, prayers, reflection and light.  All's it takes are simple thoughts… remembering those who are unable to free themselves from the sick and demented beasts holding them captive.

 

Our children’s empty cries were once those of newborn’s joy and laughter.  Their bleeding, bruised and scraped up hands were once delicate as they fell softly into the hands of their loved ones and friends.  Their scarce voices were once lights in the sunrise of each day they awoke as they hugged their mothers, fathers, sisters and brothers.  Their wobbling, beaten and tiresome legs were once strong as they danced, skipped and ran blissfully over the horizon of days which they thought would last forever.  

 

 

Now their voices are just shadows in the light; shadows of children who once frolicked and glistened amongst the thick, heavy Nigerian air.  The memory of their screams still echoes throughout the mountain tops… there in the lasting impressions of their unforgettably beautiful and exquisite faces; faces now reflecting off of the chaotic minds of their parents and running frantically throughout the hills and distant deserts of Africa and beyond.  Loved ones are searching for answers and yet, they have no choice but to falter to the inconceivable with the slightest hope still making its way through troubled cracks as it rides the rising sun with the promise tomorrow.

 

Their weeping by the gravesides and the very breathes they still hold on to.   Will we find the lost ones whose names will be soft embraces among the mountain tops?  In the darkest night of their souls wandering, will we find them?  Will they ever come home?

The more I meditate and submit my essence and thoughts to their cries, the more rage runs through my veins; blood thick and stricken with an endless molten rock of torment from the images which lie frantically in the front and center of my head.  If we didn’t think about these children and the chains which are keeping them away from their loved ones, our minds may as well be numbed by blindness. 

 

Something has to change.  We have to change.  This world has to change.  Our ancestors fought to end slavery and provide each and every human being in this country with the opportunity to feel safe and respected.  Now it is time for us to take a stand and fight for the right of our own children; the precious angels who bring so much light and joy into this world.  Their innocence and imagination run faster than the strongest of winds and wildest of rivers pouring out into the sea.  When horrible people steal such sacred endowments from them, our children become stripped away of their strength and walking through this gift we call life.

Freedom is something we take for granted in this country.  The freedom to go to school and receive an education… freedom to work and rise to the occasion of having a better life… freedom to come and go as we please without having to worry about being gunned down, raped or tortured into slavery on a daily basis... freedom to choose who we love… freedom to travel without having to worry whether or not we will ever return home... and most importantly, free to be ourselves. 

 

Our freedom feels like a fragrance you often come across on a warm, summer day while passing through gardens of turmeric, roses and thyme.  It’s infectious as life’s décor skips from one living thing to the next.  Our freedom sounds like the reverberations of kids running around the park as they play soccer or swing on the swings while leaping to their childlike fates. 

We sometimes forget what liberty truly feels like because we live through it every single day of our lives.  But when a sick monster steals one of our little ones away from our transparent arms or groups like Boko Haram sneak into schools and kidnap over 200 girls, we are reminded how sacred and special freedom truly is. 

 

 

 

Boko Haram is an Islamist militant group in Africa who invaded a school in Nigeria during the night and stole over 200 girls between the ages of 15 and 18 years old.  One of this group’s horrible leaders, Abubakar Shekau, claims he will sell these young woman into slavery.  Here is a statement from this ignorant and hideously flawed degenerate:

“I abducted your girls.  I will sell them in the market, by Allah.  There is a market for selling humans.  Allah says I should sell.  He commands me to sell.  I will sell women.  I sell women.”  As you can see from the words stated here, this man is just as stupid as he is frightening.  With little vocabulary in the bank and too many rebels and guns behind his back, this ignorant pig is getting away with selling precious children to more ignorant pigs.  Pigs who are just as horrible as these men except they don’t steal their slaves… they pay for them instead.

 

Shekau commends his wrong doings and rewards his followers with impertinent duties and misguided information.  He believes western education should not be taught to the people of his country.  How awful and inconceivable are such ignorant beliefs?  This monster is going to sell our kindred and prized children because they sought out a better life.  These girls wanted to go to school and become doctors, lawyers, writers, nurses, ambassadors, teachers, etc.  And now, their future has been stripped away from them as their endeavors are being mocked and stoned by ill-bred livestock like the men of Boko Haram and those miscreants who are thinking about purchasing them.

The leader of this group also stated, "It is to be expected of terrorists.  "No group can affect our resolve. We will see this through to the end. We have the commitment and capacity to get this done. No matter what this takes, we will get these girls."  Boko Haram has killed thousands since 2009 and destabilized parts of northeast Nigeria, the country with Africa's largest population and biggest economy.

Since making this statement, eight more children have been abducted.  You might question my use of the word “children” in this post but to me, these young woman ARE STILL CHILDREN.  They have the young minds and stamina to make all of their dreams come true.  They are dreamers, warriors, sisters, imaginers, daughters, granddaughters, painters, writers, singers, and people who like to run and play… basking in the midst of an African spirit and sun. 

 

But now… they are mere cries in the distant deserts and boundless seas of relentless, sick and twisted men.  Men who care nothing about the life that runs through the veins and hearts of these young women.  Now, their once serenading voices are lost and winded over the Owami Desert.  Their souls are lifted still as they cry out for someone to help them… for their mother and father to come and bring them home.  I know I hear them in the back of my mind… do you?

 

 

 

Can We Have it All?

Now that the weather has been a bit kinder and the sun’s incandescence seems to be boasting gracefully along the soothing southern winds, I’ve been spending a lot more time running outside.  I realize for some people, running just isn’t their thing… whereas for others like myself, it is medicine to the soul… truly. 

I prefer running outdoors but the trails and pavement can be a bit hard on my knees.  Whenever I am down by the shore, I'm always running on the boards or along the sea.  But for the most part, my feet can be found pounding against the track of the treadmill since I can control the incline and this machine always gives back to the bounce in my knees.  The thumping is less harsh on these 33 year-old bones.  But no matter where I am running, I feel free.  It's a naturally epic high for me.   

 

I throw on the latest trance and epic vocal Ibiza tracks over my ears and zone out for anywhere from seven to ten miles.  It’s like I am one with my run.  We are blended as we gracefully collide against the sounds of the melodic tunes streaming from my iPod to my head.  My mind gets lost and tangled among the vastness of waves I imagine myself sitting or running next to. 

Sometimes, I’m on the beach or maybe dwelling on a yacht or cruise ship coasting along a forbidden island or some far away mountainous shoreline.  There are cabanas, king-size white and satin day beds, and tables set up around open pits for seafood paella on the ashen nude sands.  The waves are calm as colors of turquoise, clear aqua blue and lush emerald rush quietly up against the inviting water's edge. 

 

Sometimes, I'm relaxing in my bungalow which is nestled against the small huts that lay hidden behind the warm, welcoming arms of palm trees rocking against the sounds of native birds.  It’s absolutely mind-blowing.  Before I know it, my miles are up and the run has come to an end.  I’m lighter, tighter and hungrier as the desire to be satisfied not only mentally, but physically, erodes over my fierce and resilient body.

This past winter was a rough one:  rough in the sense where we had more unbearably frigid days than simply cold ones.   I don’t mesh well with the ice and snow; often finding myself a bit down with the seasonal winter blues.  My heart resides in the essence and smells of the summer so you can imagine what this season has done to my longing for spring and summer to begin.

I think once it started snowing in November, Jack Frost took it upon himself to roll over the blizzard-like weather well into March.  In fact, I think the last of the snow has just recently melted!

 

Because the winter was too strenuous and unkind toward people like me, who love to spend days endlessly folding into the universe while walking hand in hand with nature, I decided to embrace the warmth and quiet inside.  Luckily, I have a view of the mountains our home is nestled in right outside of my window.  I was writing and eating more while exercising and running less.  I went from a size 4 to an 8 in just three measly months.  I took advantage of Jacks Frost’s harsh and cruel shits and giggles by rejuvenating inside through my novel writing and binge-eating homemade muffins, chocolates and cheese.  (Not in that particular order=)

While I was working on the last chapters of my novel this past April, I decided to get back to the trails and treadmill; full throttle.  Twenty pounds heavier had definitely weighed me down and my once blissful workouts became much harder and less of a meditational release of thoughts, endorphins and amiable remembrances of past ghosts.  I couldn’t concentrate on anything inspiring or relive through the fondness of my old memories while running.  Dare I say that I had resorted to the elliptical?  Yes, I did.  And there is nothing wrong with the elliptical.  But for me, being a runner… well, the elliptical just isn’t my go-to for cardio.

Once I hopped on the treadmill and could not even complete a mile, I knew I was doomed.  My passion for my novel and submission to social media for my author work had forged a wrecking ball over my new body.  “If you wish to write, then you will have to sacrifice working out in the morning and your appearance will be overthrown.  And you simply cannot work out after you write because you have a fulltime job in the afternoon until evening.  You really didn’t think you could have it all… did you?”

Yep; this is what my mind was telling my body.  Now, most of the time, I love my own mind.  She is my right-hand muse and one of the main reasons I am still staying on the straight and narrow these days.  My mind has grown quite astoundingly over these last three years.  She’s more in tune with my heart and knows what she wants.  She never lies to me and I can always trust her now.  This is something I couldn’t vouch for during my darker days.  My mind was the last thing I could trust because it was always filled with the promises of better days and irreverent freedoms which a clouded and infected brain could only conceive. 

So when my mind began to be brutally honest with me and tell me I would have to sacrifice even more of my time if I wanted to get back into shape and still be able to write and network, I almost fainted.  I didn’t want to believe her.  I continued to write in the mornings, began eating a little less, but when it came time to try on my summer clothes again… it just wasn’t happening.  I had failed.  It was time for my mind and my heart to get back up again… once and for all, together… in it to win it.  I’d have to wake up even earlier and not skip any days during the week for exercise.  Seven day workouts, more juicing, less muffins, and sadly, less writing. 

Did I just say that?  Unfortunately, yes, I did.  Your mind always knows right from wrong.  It’s just a matter of time and conditioning which gets you closer to this realization.  Could I sit here and lie to myself by shaking off the twenty pounds as no big deal and settle with being two times my normal size?  After all, what matters is who we are on the inside and not out, right? 

Wrong!  For some, this is true.  But for me, I like being in shape.  I love eating whatever I want.  I love being strong and toned and loving the person I see when I look in the mirror.  That is not to say I am conceited or a narcissist.  But what I mean is there are some people in this world who are content with the way they look physically while I am addicted to the adrenaline which runs through my veins while building a lean, mean, running machine.

 

We owe it to ourselves to strive to achieve the best in this life because we all deserve to have all of our desires and dreams come true.  I don’t ever want to step on the treadmill, or outside on one of the magnificent trails behind our home, and not be able to get past the first mile.  I don’t have the best knees in the world but they are mine and I love them.  My family has a long history of diabetes, heart disease, and arthritis.  I don’t ever want to jeopardize my serenity or longevity because I simply can’t find the time to work out.  I won’t be a product of my past and I will stay focused.  This isn’t to say I won’t ever enjoy a long winter’s nap or a month or two of a writing spree.  This winter has been a good friend to me.  And I’m hoping that good friend has helped me create something so special that the extra twenty pounds I gained was well worth it!  (The novel, hooray!)

So getting back to my question… Can we have it all?  I mean, everything, all at once?  Or do we have to settle for increments and small steps which lead us closer to the grandeur goal? 

Once I felt comfortable enough with the outcome of my manuscript and children’s work, I took a step back away from my writing.  I had to.  For me, it was a no brainer.  If I wanted to get back into my infectious runs and weight training, I had to lose weight; and fast.  Healthy but quickly.  I took the past three weeks to reboot my system and I’m happy to say I am down 15 pounds.  Not by starving or sacrificing too much of my time… but by devoting myself to longer, more strenuous workouts and a healthy diet.  I went from writing for hours and binging on muffins, chocolate and cheese to writing an hour or so a day and stepping up my game at the gym.  As far as social media goes, well, this has been suffering a bit.  But I’m okay with this.  Sometimes, we need to unplug and get away from the things which take up most of our time and energy to satisfy our other cravings.  To just simply BE. 

It’s strange but in some way, I think we can have it all.  This doesn’t mean our dreams will come true all at once and we will have all the time in the world to pursue them.  But when we are truly happy with ourselves and connected with the world around us, no matter how we see ourselves, then I think we do have it all.  I guess it just depends on your definition of “having it all” and really “seeing ourselves.”

What about you?  How do you balance your time with writing, exercising, keeping up with the household, family life, social media, working the day job, etc.?  Have you ever had to make sacrifices in order to find more time for something you are passionate about?  What is your definition of “having it all?”

 

Bullying and Substances are Stealing Lives

I was recently contemplating about the endlessly growing number of people around the world who terminate their lives before their talents and gifts flourish into the arms of humanity.  I’ve always been told I can be a bit emotional at times since I truly wear my heart upon my sleeves.  But hey… that’s just me.  What can I say?  We all have our weaknesses but I’ve learned to treat my weakness as something beautiful.  My softness and sorrow toward others who need help gives me this sort of fulfillment which only my writing has had an ability to do.  It’s freeing.  And if I can share a story, tale or experience of my own to help shape or shift someone else’s journey, then I’m all in; 110 percent.

When I was young, I was severely bullied.  If you asked me why, I really couldn’t tell you... other than kids can be cruel and if they don’t understand you or are jealous of your talents, they have no other means of showing their envy then by the use of bullying.  I was tall, very thin, had clunky braces and glasses before contacts and more modern means of straightening your teeth were available.  I worked hard and always received straight A’s on my report cards.  My love for academics helped me to graduate in the top 10 of my class; among 360 other students. 

 

And still; I was the subject of harassment and endless torture throughout my elementary and junior high school years.  My passion for the written word, science and history equated to an eternity of pain and suffering.  Back then, those seven hours of school felt like an infiniteness of dodging hurtful whispers, loathsome mockeries, and unwanted confrontations. 

I remember being in 8^th grade and being segregated from a table where I had some friends who had split lunches with their choir practice.  When they would leave for Chorus (this is what the class was referred to as), I was left there, utterly alone, only to be mocked, made fun of and had things thrown at me.  Is she serious you ask?  I wish I wasn’t.  Many of my days were just scenes out of that Patrick Dempsey movie,Can’t Buy Me Love, or even Diary of a Wimpy Kid and Mean Girls.  But these girls were much crueler toward me.  I eventually joined the choir, although my voice sounded more Phoebe when she would sing about “Smelly Cat” on the hit television show, Friends.  I ran away instead of confronting them because I had no one to back me up.  My friends at the time were too scared to be shunned as well. 

 

It was only until Mr. Finallo's History class, where I was assigned to sit next to a girl, (we will call her Savior) who hated me for no apparent reason my freshman year of high school.  I believe her inconceivable hatred toward me was over a strikingly handsome, young boy who lived next door to my house.  He looked like Christian Slater so you could see how one would be jealous of another girl's kinship with such a gorgeous fellow.  One of her friends adored him which afforded her the desire to make my life a living hell. 

 

This boy would walk me home from school every day which made the girls cringe at my high school.  But after I was designated a seat next to this girl for the entire year, we had no choice but to work together on group projects.  It took less than a week for us to become good friends.  Can you believe it?  She was very popular and since she befriended me, I then, became part of the “in-crowd.” 

My next four years of school would be pretty much smooth sailing and no one ever really bothered me again.  I still struggled with some girls who just couldn’t understand why teachers gravitated toward me.  To tell you the truth; either did I… other than I was an over-achiever who really enjoyed excelling to further the future of my education.  My parents were less than middle class so I knew I had to do well to be awarded some, if not all, scholarships and grants for college.

Sadly, there are so many kids in this country who are bullied every single day of their lives.  They are taunted and become the products of cruel jokes and deceptions because of their uniqueness and susceptibility of being pushed around.  Since I know how it feels, I understand the fear which plants them in their shielded comfort zones.  They would rather skip class or not go to school at all because they are afraid of what lies within those small and overbearingly suffocating brick walls.
 

 

As I mentioned before, once Savior befriended me, everything changed.  The girls who at one time, made fun of me, now wanted to sit with me at lunch and always come over to my house after school.  I was invited to sleepovers and nights out at the skating rink.  I was asked out by guys who before, always looked at me and smiled, but never acted out on their curiosity about me from fear of what the popular kids would think about their actions.  Then, when I started dating a guy in college, this sent my status over the moon!  He drove one of the hottest cars around town and was super dreamy.  I never really had to worry about being bullied again and tried to help others who were in the same predicament I once was in.

You might think I copped out of my situation by accepting Savior's invitation to become her friend but at the end of the day, we actually had a lot in common; other than our grades.  We remained close friends until I left for college.  After I arrived at college, I never looked back on those people again and managed to build true, life-long friendships with some of the most kindest and sincere people.  I am grateful to have some of these people in my life today.  I'm sure some of the decisions I made in college were the end-product of my experiences in high school.  Although the bullying had stopped, there would be scars leftover internally which lead me to make some bad decisions.  I'm happy to say those scars are just murmurs echoing in the wind and reminders of how strong and significant I really am.

(Old Queens Campus at Rutgers University... beautiful, isn't it?)

The point of my ramblings about my past struggles and suffering from bullying is that people are ignorant towards one another.  They have “ideas” which tend to develop into ugly assumptions about beautifully strange, yet, magnificent people.  What is so wrong about someone who wants to do well in his or her class?  Or about someone whose parents can’t afford the same clothes or shoes as their friends?  Or children who might seem different, but in actuality, their personalities are far more epic and unique than imaginable?  If we could just instill better values and morals within our children’s acceptance and gentility towards others feelings, this world would be a better place.  My mother always taught me to be kind and respectful; something I see more of our upcoming generation lacking. 

Devices like video game systems and social media outlets such as Facebook tend to numb our youth’s ability to focus on the importance of communication with one another.  I’ve observed how a long day of playing video games affects one of the teens I currently care for.  He becomes a lot more agitated and aggressive; cursing and throwing the paddles at the television.  I hear other teens through the headphones they use nowadays; cursing and using vulgar language while shooting at soldiers or even civilians on the TV screen.  We need to encourage our beloved children that there is a whole world beyond social media and video games.  We need to fight for our right to the irreplaceable bonds which hold humanity together.  This involves communicating more, interacting with each other, and dare I say… playing and getting involved with outdoor activities!  Yes, we played jail break even into the college years!

We didn’t have Facebook and texting back when I was in high school and college so I can’t imagine how teens have to deal with the horrid affects of bullying through means of social media.  We used to have a neighbor who was a girl and attended school at a prestigious private establishment.  Her boyfriend took provocative photos of her when they were alone and decided to post them onto the internet.  Can you believe it?  Her own boyfriend.  She was bullied severely by other prep girls and it became so bad, her mother had to take her out of that school and place her into another.  When this didn’t help, the family moved to an entirely different town.  All because some clueless moron with no values decided to post pictures of her on the internet.   

Whenever I hear about a small child taking his/her life because they have been driven by bullies to do so, it breaks my heart.  And whenever I learn about someone who can’t live with their current situations and instead of using their talents to fix them, they drown themselves in alcohol instead… this shakes my soul.  I know how it feels to both be bullied or become a product of what other people and our darker, inner demons do to us.  But I also know that we are capable of CHANGING these situations.  There are lights inside of us which are begging to be turned on.  And no one or substance should ever have the permission to shut that light off for us.  We are in control of the destiny of our light and where its tendrils may reach out toward. 

 

There is a whole vast and epic world out there beyond the limitations of school walls.  We need to remind our children that those few years of adolescent schooling are just a small part of the rest of their lives.  After graduation, they become free birds... able to spread their fascinating wings and gravitate toward higher heights because of their individuality and talents.  We need to talk to our kids more and encourage them to be nice and accepting of others no matter how different they may seem.  This only takes a few moments our of our busy schedules and is well worth the long-lasting affects our wisdom will have on them. 

Have you ever been bullied before?  Do you know anyone who has been pushed around?  Was there ever a time when you used a substance and as a result, your talents and journey became limited?

To Each His or Her Own Pace

Today is Palm Sunday for the Catholic Church.  I attended mass this morning to honor this emotionally trying, yet, inspiring day.  For many who share in the same beliefs, Palm Sunday is a day to truly recall upon the sacrifices Jesus made for us to be forgiven in this world.  It is a day to remember how he was beaten, bullied, mocked and nailed to the cross for the love and compassion He had for His Father’s Children. 

 

I felt an erosion of feelings submerging my thoughts like a cumbersome stream of magma churning within my stomach.  There was an emptiness eating away at the core which was being drowned by this waterfall of heated exhaustion… an exhaustion consisting of sadness, agony, resentment, sorrow, and most of all, loneliness.

There I sat in my phew as rivers unfolded from the center of my soul and wept from my weary eyes.  There was an endless amount of pain I had covered over the past several years and kept buried deep within; however, they were now trying to resurface once again.  I thought that by staying on the straight and narrow while continuing to contribute my part in ending self-destruction in others through volunteering and spending time with children who need mentors, or by sharing my mother’s illness and struggle, I would be fulfilled and come to full circle within my endeavors. 

 

Sadly, I was wrong.  Or at least, at that moment in church, as I sat and gazed at the cross and glorious statues and fixtures on the old, wooden walls… I felt completely and utterly alone.  I began to remember my childhood and how I spent many Sundays within those walls with my parents and sisters before our family fell apart.  Before the divorces, alcohol, fights, sickness, murder and dying of best friends and family members… before all of these circumstances which none of us could have predicted or prevented… it felt like time had been perfect.  And those memories would always be frozen and packed away in the corners of my strange, yet familiar mind.

My tears managed to fuse into subtle reminders that God was indeed, still with me and watching and hadn’t left me behind.  I was quickly reminded about a rendezvous I had in the city yesterday with an old friend who told me I was an inspiration to her.  Sometimes, when we are at our weakest, God has a way of lifting us up.  He manages to remind us about our missions and to never give up on our passions no matter how alone or afraid we might feel. 

 

My friend sat across from me during dinner yesterday, and was in absolute awe by the work I do when I volunteer with organizations that help to encourage and educate our children.  She told me to never give up on my ventures and to always keep my heart at the forefront because some day, God will reward all of the positive energy I put out into the universe. 

There are always going to be ups and downs in our days and the journey is never easy.  If it was, there would be no room for growth and change and no place for our hearts and minds to truly be nurtured and fed.  We live out our days by the stages of our achievements and commitments which we make not only for ourselves, but for each other.  Sometimes, those engagements change but the journey remains the same.  I might have felt alone today while I sat and admired the work of the Creator, but after I thought about everything, I knew physically, loneliness was just a feeling; not a state of being.  Because every single human being is never alone when you have Him to walk beside you.  You just have to open your heart and your eyes and truly see the miracles around you. 

 

If you are like me and sometimes get down on your slow growth or current state of being, just think about all of the amazing things you have done with your life so far.  Count all of your blessings and the wonderful people who are actually still here with you.  Embrace your family, love your neighbor, put your phones and Ipads down and talk to your loved ones and friends.  Sit in a quiet place and meditate on your thoughts.  Read a good book or snuggle up to an old movie.  Call someone who you haven’t spoken to in a long time.  Go for a run.  But don’t loath in the lethargic strides of your journey.  It's the destination which matters the most. 

Today, after church, I went on a long run through a beautiful trail not far from our home.  On the drive back, I stuck my arms out of the window and felt the wind pounding against my skin.  It felt invigorating.  There is beauty and magic in the world around us in every single moment of every single day.  Whether it’s a smile from a stranger or laughter echoing from children playing outside… whether it’s the sound of birds chirping and frolicking around in the puddles outside of your window… whether it’s a simple gesture but the kindest in it’s simplicity… there is admiration everywhere.  So if you ever get down on the pace of your journey, think about the positives instead of lingering on the negatives.  You will get moving.  Life isn’t easy but it sure is magnificent.  A true gift, life is.

 

There is a reason for everything and we all have a purpose.  I might not have found mine yet, but I will continue to pour joy and happiness in my heart whenever it is thirsty.  And my friends… my heart will always be thirsty.  We can never give too much or too little.  But as long as we are giving, then we are fulfilling the desire to be better people and leaders not  just for ourselves, but for those around us who need inspiration and encouragement the most.  Happy Palm Sunday!

Are you ever hard on yourself for reasons which are out of your hands?  How do you cope with bumps in the road?