To Each His or Her Own Pace

Today is Palm Sunday for the Catholic Church.  I attended mass this morning to honor this emotionally trying, yet, inspiring day.  For many who share in the same beliefs, Palm Sunday is a day to truly recall upon the sacrifices Jesus made for us to be forgiven in this world.  It is a day to remember how he was beaten, bullied, mocked and nailed to the cross for the love and compassion He had for His Father’s Children. 

 

I felt an erosion of feelings submerging my thoughts like a cumbersome stream of magma churning within my stomach.  There was an emptiness eating away at the core which was being drowned by this waterfall of heated exhaustion… an exhaustion consisting of sadness, agony, resentment, sorrow, and most of all, loneliness.

There I sat in my phew as rivers unfolded from the center of my soul and wept from my weary eyes.  There was an endless amount of pain I had covered over the past several years and kept buried deep within; however, they were now trying to resurface once again.  I thought that by staying on the straight and narrow while continuing to contribute my part in ending self-destruction in others through volunteering and spending time with children who need mentors, or by sharing my mother’s illness and struggle, I would be fulfilled and come to full circle within my endeavors. 

 

Sadly, I was wrong.  Or at least, at that moment in church, as I sat and gazed at the cross and glorious statues and fixtures on the old, wooden walls… I felt completely and utterly alone.  I began to remember my childhood and how I spent many Sundays within those walls with my parents and sisters before our family fell apart.  Before the divorces, alcohol, fights, sickness, murder and dying of best friends and family members… before all of these circumstances which none of us could have predicted or prevented… it felt like time had been perfect.  And those memories would always be frozen and packed away in the corners of my strange, yet familiar mind.

My tears managed to fuse into subtle reminders that God was indeed, still with me and watching and hadn’t left me behind.  I was quickly reminded about a rendezvous I had in the city yesterday with an old friend who told me I was an inspiration to her.  Sometimes, when we are at our weakest, God has a way of lifting us up.  He manages to remind us about our missions and to never give up on our passions no matter how alone or afraid we might feel. 

 

My friend sat across from me during dinner yesterday, and was in absolute awe by the work I do when I volunteer with organizations that help to encourage and educate our children.  She told me to never give up on my ventures and to always keep my heart at the forefront because some day, God will reward all of the positive energy I put out into the universe. 

There are always going to be ups and downs in our days and the journey is never easy.  If it was, there would be no room for growth and change and no place for our hearts and minds to truly be nurtured and fed.  We live out our days by the stages of our achievements and commitments which we make not only for ourselves, but for each other.  Sometimes, those engagements change but the journey remains the same.  I might have felt alone today while I sat and admired the work of the Creator, but after I thought about everything, I knew physically, loneliness was just a feeling; not a state of being.  Because every single human being is never alone when you have Him to walk beside you.  You just have to open your heart and your eyes and truly see the miracles around you. 

 

If you are like me and sometimes get down on your slow growth or current state of being, just think about all of the amazing things you have done with your life so far.  Count all of your blessings and the wonderful people who are actually still here with you.  Embrace your family, love your neighbor, put your phones and Ipads down and talk to your loved ones and friends.  Sit in a quiet place and meditate on your thoughts.  Read a good book or snuggle up to an old movie.  Call someone who you haven’t spoken to in a long time.  Go for a run.  But don’t loath in the lethargic strides of your journey.  It's the destination which matters the most. 

Today, after church, I went on a long run through a beautiful trail not far from our home.  On the drive back, I stuck my arms out of the window and felt the wind pounding against my skin.  It felt invigorating.  There is beauty and magic in the world around us in every single moment of every single day.  Whether it’s a smile from a stranger or laughter echoing from children playing outside… whether it’s the sound of birds chirping and frolicking around in the puddles outside of your window… whether it’s a simple gesture but the kindest in it’s simplicity… there is admiration everywhere.  So if you ever get down on the pace of your journey, think about the positives instead of lingering on the negatives.  You will get moving.  Life isn’t easy but it sure is magnificent.  A true gift, life is.

 

There is a reason for everything and we all have a purpose.  I might not have found mine yet, but I will continue to pour joy and happiness in my heart whenever it is thirsty.  And my friends… my heart will always be thirsty.  We can never give too much or too little.  But as long as we are giving, then we are fulfilling the desire to be better people and leaders not  just for ourselves, but for those around us who need inspiration and encouragement the most.  Happy Palm Sunday!

Are you ever hard on yourself for reasons which are out of your hands?  How do you cope with bumps in the road?